The TARDIS and the HARE
by Lilliandil Who
Summary: Sarah Jane's holiday in Scandinavia quickly turns into an alien investigation. But can she stop a rogue doctor and save the children of Earth in time?


The T.A.R.D.I.S. and the H.A.R.E.

"Oh, this place." Sarah Jane Smith let her gaze linger over the soaring walls of the _Stadshuset_. "After seeing the splendours of the universe, at times like this I remember just how beautiful life on Earth can be."

"Well, that's what this is all about, isn't it? _Inventas vitam juvat excoluisse per artes_," Clyde stumbled through the Latin printed in his Nobel banquet program. "'Inventions enhance life which is beautified through art'."

"Stockholm is beautiful," Maria gushed. "Especially at night."

"You can say that again," Clyde remarked, focusing not on the stunning examples of national romanticist architecture all around them, but on the arrival of Princess Madeline.

Maria delivered a swift swat to the back of Clyde's head with her own program and continued, "But if it's called the Blue Hall, why isn't it blue?"

Sarah Jane shrugged. "Plans change."

"I wonder when Luke will get here..." Rani peered over the heads of the guests closest to them to the entrance hall where the prize recipients and distinguished guests were slowly making their way along the balustrade and down the grand staircase, accompanied by majestic music from the largest pipe organ in Scandinavia.

"I wonder when the aliens will get here," Maria added mischievously.

"What makes you say that?"

"Why else would we be here? There are always aliens."

"Really, Maria. Not everything in my life has to do with extraterrestrials. I'm just here to support my son, and celebrate his incredible accomplishments."

"Mmm-hmm. Then why are you using your watch to scan for alien life forms?"

Sarah Jane snapped her watch shut.

"Today I'm simply a mum. Today I'm just plain old..."

"Sarah Jane Smith."

Sarah Jane turned toward the newcomer's voice, and drew a deep breath before putting on a smile. "Dr. Barrows. How nice to see you here this evening."

"And you. You must be quite proud of your son... winning the Nobel prize in Chemistry and the Nobel prize in Medicine in the same year. Absolutely unprecedented. And the youngest in history!"

"Yes, well, when you discover a way to painlessly eradicate 95 percent of cancer cells, people are bound to take notice."

"Indeed. If only we at the Pharos Institute were as fortunate in our extraordinary work being recognized. Pity the Nobel committee has decided to award discoveries almost exclusively, rather than inventions."

"On the contrary, Dr. Barrows. I think many people recognize your work for exactly what it is."

"A select few, perhaps. But in time, I shouldn't be surprised if the whole world takes notice."

As the tall, dark haired man prepared to slip back into the crowd, he leaned closer to Sarah Jane's ear.

"A very short time."

"What was all that about? Who is he?" Rani asked.

"Dr. William Barrows, of the Pharos Institute. He's been recovering bits of alien technology for years and trying to pass it off as his own work. The scientific community has never taken him seriously, though, as he's been unable prove the principles behind his 'inventions' or provide the necessary documentation."

"What, like reverse engineering?" Clyde asked.

"Not even that. He may have a doctorate in physics, but when you come right down to it, he's simply a thief."

"Well, what about Luke then? He's a product of alien technology."

"The Bane may have given Luke a superior brain," Sarah Jane bristled, "but he has used it. He and his team members came up with the discovery and treatment process all on their own, through years of hard work. He's not only used his brain, he's used it for the good of humanity, and the Nobel prize committee has awarded him for exactly that." Sarah Jane surprised herself by needing to wipe her eyes with a tissue, for the second time that evening.

"Okay, okay."

"You all right, mum?"

"Luke!" Sarah Jane smiled away her tears as she hugged her son. "When did you sneak in?"

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Just... happy tears," she explained. "I'm so very, very proud of you."

Luke laughed. "Couldn't have done it without you, mum."

"Every good son says that."

"But it's especially true for me. I wouldn't be here without you. Or you, Maria."

She grinned. "To think that going to the Bubble Shock factory that day could lead to a Nobel prize."

"Two prizes," Luke amended happily, showing off his new gold medals.

"Well, we'd best find our seats." Sarah Jane squeezed her son's hands. "You still have a busy evening ahead of you."

Throughout the spectacular three-course meal, Sarah Jane seemed somewhat distant and distracted, as if trying to remember something she had forgotten to do. She lapsed into complete silence as they polished off their delectable servings of cloudberry sorbet topped with whipped cream and chocolate ganache.

Dr. Barrows slid into the empty seat beside Sarah Jane. "No date?" he inquired.

"Hmm? It's December 10th."

He laughed. "I know what day it is. I was referring to the empty chair beside you."

"What empty chair?"

He laughed harder. "Oh, Sarah."

"Sarah Jane," she corrected.

"You're much too clever for your own good. I was referring to the _formerly_ empty seat beside you. I just wanted to stop by and wish you an especially Happy Christmas."

And with that he was gone.

Just gone.

Maria, seated on her other side, leaned over.

"What happened? That guy who was talking to you, Dr. Barrows? He didn't just walk away, he disappeared!"

"I know," Sarah Jane answered quietly. "No one else has noticed," she observed, taking a discreet glance around the table. "I'm afraid we may need to spend our holiday in Scandinavia doing a little investigating."

Maria arched an eyebrow and smiled.

"I thought you were just here to support Luke."

Sarah Jane consulted her scanner watch again, then snapped it shut.

"Plans change."

"Northern Finland?" Clyde objected. "What on earth is in northern Finland? Besides a whole lot of ice and snow, and oh yeah. A lot more ice and snow."

"Says here Rovaniemi is home to the world's northernmost branch of McDonald's," Maria answered cheerfully.

"Oh, brilliant. So you can take your reindeer through the drive-thru and get a burger on rye and cup of coffee to keep yourself from freezing to death?"

"We're not going to McDonald's, we're going to Santa Claus Village," Sarah Jane informed them crisply.

"Santa Claus Village?" Clyde looked incredulous. "We're tracking down rogue alien technology in Santa Claus Village?"

"No stranger than finding aliens on Bannerman Road, is it? We know that Dr. Barrows made three trips here this summer. Mr. Smith found his airline records. But he has no travel records after early November. Not even tickets from London to Stockholm. And yet he was there."

"Too bad Luke had to stay in Stockholm to do his lectures," Maria sighed. "And Rani went back to London to spend the holidays with her boyfriend and their families. They'd love to see this."

"Yeah, we could have had one blowout of a snowball fight."

"I understand Rani's mum demanded a complete in-depth report on the flower arrangements the Nobel committee flew in from the Italian Riviera," Sarah Jane added with a laugh.

The trio got off the Rovaniemi bus and walked through the constant dark of the winter far north toward the exuberantly lit shops and restaurants a short distance away. Despite the cold and perpetual night, the popular tourist attraction was packed with families from all over the globe.

"I can't believe people come all this way just to buy Christmas ornaments and have their mail sent from Santa's post office," Clyde remarked.

"I think it's adorable," Maria exclaimed. "They even have sleigh rides with real reindeer!"

"I was always rather frightened of Santa Claus as a child," Sarah Jane admitted. "He reminded me too much of clowns."

"I can see what you mean," Clyde agreed. "Always winter and never Christmas is bad, but Christmas all the time? That's pretty creepy too."

"Oh, look at the husky puppies!" Maria cooed.

The three of them peered, with varying degrees of interest, at the sights and sounds of laughing children, busy shoppers, and clicking cameras as they made their way slowly through the Lapland amusement park, looking for anything out of the ordinary.

"What's everyone doing over there?" Clyde finally asked.

"It's the Arctic Circle crossing. Lots of people like to get their picture taken on the border. You can even get a diploma saying you've crossed."

"The Arctic Circle. Also known as the border of hastiness," Maria read from her brochure. "What do you suppose that means?"

"Could be nothing, just a local fairy tale to go with the elves and Santa myth. Or it could be something real, like a rift."

"You're a quick thinker, Sarah Jane," Dr. Barrows said, as he suddenly appeared beside her left shoulder. "But not quick enough." He instantly disappeared again, then a moment later was walking beside Maria.

"Running won't do you any good this time, Miss Smith. No matter how fast you go..."

In the blink of an eye, he was standing twelve meters ahead, under a lamppost.

"I'll always be ahead of you."

"Well, at least we know we're on the right track," Clyde said, after a few moments of staring at the latest spot where Dr. Barrows had just vanished.

"Very well put, Clyde. We also now know," she said, looking at her scanner watch, "that he's not traveling by osmic projection, since the rhondium sensor's not showing anything. We can also rule out rift manipulation, even if there is a rift on the Arctic Circle here, because his movements are too precise and well-controlled."

"What does that leave?" Maria asked.

Sarah Jane sighed. "Any number of things, really. I've seen a lot people and places in the universe, but I certainly haven't seen them all. It's odd," she continued. "The readings on my scanner watch are confused around him. It's not detecting pure alien technology, as it would if he were using a vortex manipulator or teleporter. More of a subtle alien presence."

"You think Dr. Barrows is really an alien?"

"No, but... not all aliens who can teleport themselves in time or space use technology. It can be inherent in their biology or environment, like the giant spiders we saw on Metebelis III," Sarah Jane mused. "It could be he's somehow traveling with such an alien, rather than using technology."

"How do we find out?"

"I think it's time for some good old-fashioned journalistic investigating," Sarah Jane said. "We need to know where Dr. Barrows went when he came here repeatedly, and why. If there is such an alien up here, we need to find it."

"We're in luck," Maria announced. "The desk clerk at the Hotel Santa Claus was very talkative. Dr. Barrows apparently wanted to go hiking in the Urho Kekkonen National Park, to see Korvatunturi."

"Korvatunturi? The 'real' home of Santa Claus?"

"Exactly. She said she kept telling him that Santa's workshop is secret, that he only takes visitors and his mail here in Rovaniemi, that there's really nothing to see in Korvatunturi but hills, yet he insisted on going."

"The famous Ear Fell, where he can listen to children all over the world?" Sarah Jane pondered aloud.

"Yes, and fortunately, you need written permission from the _Rajavartiolaitos_," she attempted the native term, "ugh, the Finnish border guard to travel there, so it's all documented. I got the records from Mr. Smith."

"Excellent work, Maria. Now we just need to get our own permission from the _Rajavartiolaitos_, and find a snowmobile guide willing to take us there in the dead of winter..."

"Oof, thank you Maria," Sarah Jane puffed. "I'm not as young as I used to be."

"We can stop and rest for a bit," Clyde offered.

"No, I'm fine," she assured them. "And Antti said the entrance to the cave Dr. Barrows seemed particularly interested in is just up that way."

"Very smart of him to come here in summer."

"And very lucky for us to find the same border escort who knew exactly where he went."

"Antti was so helpful. And really cute," Maria added.

"This is like the Indiana Jones movies," Clyde sighed.

"What? You think a giant snowball is going to come rolling down the hill at us?" Maria mocked.

"No, I mean you watch the movies and think that archeology's all glamour and adventure. I had a mate who went into archeology in college after watching those films, and was all excited to go on his first dig. He wound up scraping around for ancient garbage in a sheep pasture in the pouring rain, up to his knees in mud and manure. They never show you all the real legwork. I mean, we're chasing down alien technology. Shouldn't we be using teleporter watches or something, not hiking up a treeless hill in the freezing cold?"

"Perhaps if we find what we're looking for, we can teleport our way back," Sarah Jane joked. "Ah, here we are."

"Strange being in a cave, and yet having it no darker than outside," Maria murmured as they followed their flashlight beams carefully down the winding mountain tunnel. Though all three of them had to stoop at first, eventually the tunnel grew wider and taller, allowing them to walk through easily.

"Which way do we go now?" Clyde asked, as the cave divided. "Should we split up?"

Sarah Jane looked at her scanner watch. "I'm getting faint traces of alien presence down this way," she said of the right-hand branch, then turned to the other one. "But the readings are extremely strong over here." She put her hands up to the branch tunnel entrance, which then shimmered with a ripple of green and purple light. "It seems to be protected with some kind of barrier."

"One that the alien put up, or one that Dr. Barrows added?"

"I don't know, but the more important question is, can we get through it with a sonic lipstick?" Sarah Jane pulled her favorite tool from her parka pocket and aimed it at the entrance. The sheet of swirling purple and green disappeared. "And the answer to that is yes."

Instantly, a low, rumbling voice emerged from the depths of the mountain.

"_Onkos täällä kilttejä lapsia?_"

As they shone their flashlights into the darkened corridor and proceeded inside, the voice repeated: "_Onkos täällä kilttejä lapsia?_"

"What's it saying?" Maria asked.

Sarah Jane dialed her mobile phone. "Mr. Smith? I need you."

"_Onkos täällä kilttejä lapsia?_"

"He says it's 'Any well-behaved children here?' The traditional greeting of the Joulupukki, the 'Christmas goat,' or Finnish version of Father Christmas."

"We're not children anymore, but we're not here to hurt you," Maria said cautiously. "We just want to speak with you."

"Mr. Smith, can you translate? I'm putting you on speaker."

The voice responded: "_Hyvää päivää ja tervetuloa_."

"He says 'good day, and welcome'," Mr. Smith affirmed.

"Well, that's a relief."

"_Miska tun tolimat?_"

"Mr. Smith? What's the delay?" Sarah Jane prompted, after a few moments of silence.

"Apparently, he only knows a few standard greetings in Finnish," Mr. Smith responded. "I believe he is now speaking some kind of Proto-Uralic language."

"A what?"

"The language that, hypothetically, evolved into the Finnish, Samoyedic, Magyar, and related languages of modern times. Historical linguists have only reconstructed around 200 theoretical root words in Proto-Uralic, but I think I can provide a rough translation by correlating similarities between his speech, the modern languages, and historical documents."

"You mean he's been living here for thousands of years?" Sarah Jane asked.

"According to linguists' Uralic Continuity Theory," Mr. Smith intoned, "People speaking Uralic languages may have been living in this area of the world since the Mesolithic period, which may explain why their languages are unrelated to neighboring forms of communication, such as the Russian and Scandinavian languages."

"They were originally alien."

"_Jorkala tun? Miska tun tolimat?_"

"I believe he's asking 'who are you?' and 'why have you come?'"

"Tell him we wish to meet him, and to get to know more about him and why he is here."

"He says he welcomes company," Mr. Smith replied, "for he is indeed very lonely."

"May we see him?"

"He fears his appearance may frighten you."

"Tell him I'm not one to be frightened without good reason," Sarah Jane answered steadily. "He's been hospitable to us so far."

From the depths of the dark, a huge frame emerged, and into their small pool of light stepped the Joulupukki. Though he walked on two hooves, his upper body, obviously once broad and muscular, sagged with age. His thumbs and three fingers dangled almost limply from each hand, as if they could no longer remember how to reach out to one other. Tangles of white beard ran from his curved horns to his long chin, covering everything but his mouth, flared nostrils, and bright amber eyes which swirled with a depth of age and light like the time vortex itself. Eyes that looked very old... and very kind, Sarah Jane decided.

"Well, this may sound silly, but you scare me a lot less than the modern version of Santa Claus, and no, Mr. Smith, you don't need to translate that," Sarah Jane added. "What's your name?" she asked gently.

The Joulupukki answered in his gruff, yet lilting tongue.

"I believe he's saying he once had many children," Mr. Smith translated. "His name, Aapo, means 'father of a multitude'."

"What happened to them?"

"It seems in the early years," Mr. Smith explained, after listening briefly to the alien, "he and his kin lived in caves under these hills. But the future generations disliked the dark and wanted to emerge onto the planet's surface."

Aapo continued speaking.

"His children were greeted with fear and violence by the local people, who saw them as the product of witchcraft, or malevolent gods. Though they have an ability to regenerate their flesh repeatedly—"

"Like Thor's goats in Norse mythology," Maria contributed.

Mr. Smith ignored her and continued, "—some were broken and killed, but the others will still determined to live on the Earth. He used genetic manipulation to transform them into beings more closely resembling humans, though they maintained something of their dwarf-like appearance. They then became accepted as they haltija and tonttu, or elves and spirits, of these woods and mountains. Over the centuries, continued genetic manipulation and intermarriage with humans made his descendents lose any detectable trace that the were once related to those from the Urheimat."

"He's been living alone here for hundreds of years? The last of his kind?" Sarah Jane probed.

"Like Finnish, his language seems to have no native word for 'yes'," Mr. Smith commented, "but I believe his reply is affirmative."

"Can you ask him if another human has visited him recently?" Sarah Jane inquired. "And bring up a picture of Dr. Barrows?"

At this, Aapo gave a broad smile, studded with a few well-worn teeth.

"Indeed, Dr. Barrows came to visit him several times," Mr. Smith informed them. "Aapo told him how one winter, after his wife died several hundred years ago, he emerged from the mountain to travel and see the last of his children, but retreated when he frightened the humans. Dr. Barrows told him about the Joulupukki legend of a goat-man who preys on ill-behaved children at Christmastime, and how that has, in recent decades, been transformed into the more positive Father Christmas story."

"Quite the PR job," Clyde commented.

"Dr. Barrows asked him if there was any truth to the way the tonttu could reputedly transport themselves rapidly for one place to another at will, and Aapo was delighted to explain that indeed they could, but his descendents gradually lost that ability, along with others, as they merged with humans."

"And Dr. Barrows asked him to share this ability?" Sarah Jane prompted.

After further discussion with Aapo, Mr. Smith said: "Apparently, Dr. Barrows told Aapo he would provide gifts for all the children in the world, in the Joulupukki's name, if only Aapo would provide him with the means of transport."

"What a scam. That's like elder abuse, with aliens," Clyde muttered.

"This is awful, we have to tell him!" Maria whispered urgently.

"The question is, would he even believe us? He's obviously come to trust Dr. Barrows, and we're still total strangers to him."

"But you've got to try!"

Sarah Jane sighed. "Aapo," she began, trying to use as much tact and diplomacy as she could muster. "There's something you should know about Dr. Barrows. You see, he..."

"Told you that you're too clever for your own good," said a voice from behind them.

The alien greeted the newcomer with a fierce hug and Wookiee-like howl that defied even Mr. Smith's abilities for translation.

"I see you've found my friend Aapo."

"Yes, he says you plan to deliver Christmas presents to all the children in the world."

"And indeed I do," Dr. Barrows answered with a machiavellian grin.

"But why would he let you deliver presents for him?" Clyde challenged. "Why doesn't he just travel there himself?"

Aapo spoke, and Mr. Smith translated: "He says he is afraid of frightening the children, and that he is too old to travel long distances anymore."

Dr. Barrows continued: "As I assume you, with your investigative prowess, have already gathered, I have used Aapo's technology to genetically modify myself to use the teleporting ability of his species."

"Is that why you've grown a beard overnight?" Maria inquired.

"A negligible side effect. I've also used a few other little tricks I've picked up over the years to create what I call the H.A.R.E." He held up a small device that looked like a rabbit's foot on a key chain.

"The hair?"

"H.A.R.E., as in 'Hurtling Around Rapidly Everywhere,'" he permitted himself to chuckle. "And lest you think you can simply take it from me, it relies entirely on isomorphic controls."

Dr. Barrows instantly appeared on the opposite side of the cavern, away from Clyde's outstretched hand.

"At first, I thought of simply selling this ability to the highest bidder," he continued. "But I quickly realized that there is a much more valuable commodity than instantaneous and effortless travel in this world of ours—information. Just think of it Sarah Jane... I can go anywhere, any time I want, and leave unhindered. Nuclear codes, state secrets, proprietary corporate knowledge, celebrity indiscretions... all easily accessible to me. How much do you think people would pay for that sort of information?"

"Being a thief and a charlatan when you could choose to be a brilliant scientist simply wasn't enough for you, Dr. Barrows? Do you really need to add espionage, blackmail, and possibly treason to the list?"

"For starters. After several lucrative exchanges," he continued, "It occurred to me that there really was no need for me to continue operating in obscurity, when I could make the entire world aware that their privacy, as well as their personal and political power, are now entirely up to me."

"And just how do you intend to do that?"

"Christmas Eve, Sarah."

"Jane."

"While so much of the western world dreams of someone who can visit every home in one night, I will be doing exactly that."

"And doing what, giving kids presents?" Clyde turned on the sarcasm.

"I could just appear on international television and announce that I now control the rise and fall of nations, but that seems so melodramatic. Unbelievable even. How much more convinced do you think people will be when they realize that I can appear in their homes at will and take pictures of their sleeping children?"

"You're sick," Maria finally commented into the stunned silence.

"But every child wants to have their picture taken with Santa," Dr. Barrows grinned sardonically. "And don't worry—I'll leave them each a little present in return."

"What's that?"

"One microscopic submunition of a cluster bomb that only I can detonate or deactivate. And so you don't feel left out, my friends..."

"Oww!" Maria, Clyde, and Sarah Jane exclaimed near simultaneously.

Aapo emitted an untranslated chortle of protest.

"Not to worry, the discomfort in your jugulars will only be temporary."

"I'll get him!" Clyde yelled, but Dr. Barrows was out of the cavern so fast, that the shimmering barrier was already back up, with him standing on the other side of it. Clyde collapsed in convulsions after hitting the barrier full force.

Sarah Jane reached into her pocket, but Dr. Barrows just laughed. "I told you I can move so fast that I will always be ahead of you." He held up the sonic lipstick.

"But we've still got over a week before Christmas," Maria protested.

"And I doubt you'll be able to stop me by then," Dr. Barrows replied, "what with being trapped, and with Antti's snowmobile and radio communications mysteriously out of commission. But just in case... you know how children love to receive their Christmas presents early."

He vanished.

"Clyde, are you all right?" Sarah Jane helped the young man sit up.

"I just had the strangest dream..." he muttered. "It was even weirder than the Nutcracker."

"Aapo," Sarah Jane said, then "oh, he's put my mobile out of commission, which means Mr. Smith can't translate."

"Mine too," Maria added.

"Try my radio," Clyde vaguely indicated his left coat pocket with one hand, while rubbing his forehead with the other.

"What radio?"

"The one Luke made for me to call K-9. It's a special frequency only robot dogs can hear."

"What did you want to call K-9 for?" Maria demanded.

"Oh you know, school exams, pub quizzes..."

Suppressing the urge to lecture, Sarah Jane extracted the radio and called "K-9?"

"Yes, mistress?"

"Oh, K-9, it's so good to hear you."

"And you, mistress. Though you sound a little distant."

"We're trapped in a cave in Lapland, near the Russian border," Sarah Jane explained readily. "I need you to call Mr. Smith and patch him through to me."

"Can I not be of assistance, mistress?" K-9 huffed.

"Only if you can translate Proto-Uralic so we can communicate with an alien," Sarah Jane smiled.

"Oh, very well. Connecting..."

"Thank you, K-9. You really are a girl's best friend."

"My facial circuitry is blushing, mistress."

"Sarah Jane," a familiar voice joined the conversation. "What is your status? I'm afraid we were disconnected."

"Dr. Barrows has taken my sonic lipstick and trapped us in here with Aapo. We need to explain to him what's happening and see if there's anything he can do to help us."

"I think you will find," Mr. Smith answered. "That Aapo is also capable of mid-level telepathy. Rather than taking the time to translate, why don't you attempt to show him directly."

"Oh." Sarah Jane seemed flustered for a moment, then turned to Aapo and once again faced those enormously deep eyes.

"Aapo," she began again. "Do you see what Dr. Barrows is planning to do? Do you see that he's deceived you?"

Aapo's expression remained unchanged.

"His race appears to have a limited understanding of the concept of 'deception'." Mr. Smith prompted. "But his children had a history of mistreatment. Perhaps you will have more success in making him understand that the children of Earth will be mistreated."

Sarah Jane looked at Aapo again, willing him to understand the hurt that was to come.

A roar of anguish, rage, and of deep loss shook the rock beneath their feet and the mountains all around them. It echoed throughout the caves, then finally subsided.

Aapo crumpled to the floor, his horned head bowed with grief. Sarah Jane knelt beside him.

"What can we do to stop this?" she asked quietly.

Aapo remained silent for a full minute, then finally spoke.

"He says that although Dr. Barrows can access the power to teleport through his genetic modification, and manipulate it using the H.A.R.E., the ability to travel quickly through space still originates from Aapo himself."

"What does that mean?" Maria puzzled.

"_Kakslii_." Aapo answered simply.

"Death." Mr. Smith translated.

"Death, for the children of Earth?" Sarah Jane asked.

"_Kakslivunat_," Aapo spoke again.

"No, upon Aapo's own death, Dr. Barrow's ability to teleport himself will end." Mr. Smith clarified. "Therefore, Aapo is willing to die to save the children."

"But there must be another way..." Maria protested, putting her hand to Aapo's white-haired arm.

Aapo's fingers, hesitantly at first, then more certainly came to close around hers.

"He says it is his fatherly love that will make him happy to die to save the children. He has lived alone for many years and feels his time has come. But he asks a favor of you first."

"What can we do?" Clyde asked.

Aapo mumbled, and Mr. Smith said, "He asks that you take him back to Rovaniemi with you, that he can see this Father Christmas and how happy the children are, with own eyes, before he dies."

"We'd be happy to," Sarah Jane answered, "but we're trapped."

"Can he remove the barrier?" Maria asked.

"The barrier is unimportant, since he can teleport there. And he says he can take several children with him."

"What children?" Sarah Jane inquired.

"You are young and small to him," Mr. Smith reminded them wryly.

"But won't the effort be to much for him?" Maria asked. "I thought he felt too old to travel?"

"He's going to die, anyway," Clyde reminded her in a low voice.

Before they could debate the issue further, Aapo enveloped all three of them in a bone-crushing hug, and they found themselves standing in a much smaller and rather more crowded cave that smelled strongly of gingerbread.

"Where are we?"

"These must be the caves in the Santa Park, on the edge of the Santa Claus Village," Maria answered. "I saw it on the village map."

Aapo teetered for a moment, apparently weak from the effort of teleporting, and proceeded to look around him with wonder.

"Quick, Maria, give him your red scarf. Try to make him look festive," Sarah Jane urged.

"Festive? How do you make a seven-foot tall goat-man look festive?" Clyde objected.

But Aapo's presence had already drawn attention from a number of onlookers, and while a number of smaller children drew away, a cry of "Joulupukki!" burst out from a number of others. The applause grew as Aapo made his way slowly toward the Santa Park central square, where a number of actors had donned traditional Christmas and Lapland costumes.

"Now, there's a fan with some creativity! Please sir, join us on stage!" one of the actors called out, laughing. Aapo did so, pausing only to receive hugs and photo ops from a number of excited audience members. "Ladies and gentlemen, the traditional Finnish Joulupukki!"

The applause reached a crescendo.

"Are you the guy from the _Dawn Treader_?" one audience member called.

Over an hour later, Sarah Jane and her companions managed to bustle a very tired, but very smiling, Aapo off to a quiet corner to "change."

"_Kittos_," he murmured. "_Paljon kiitoksia_."

"I think that means 'thank you'," Maria smiled. "Learned that much from Antti and my friendly Finnish phrasebook."

And with that, Aapo's swirling amber eyes closed, his breath whuffled softly down his beard, and he disappeared.

"Where did he go?" Clyde asked. "I'm getting rather tired of people just vanishing..."

"I think he went back to his cave to die," Sarah Jane answered sadly. "Pity that a being who loved the children of this planet so much didn't come to see them sooner, and that the children of this planet would have killed him if he did," she added.

"Not as sad as the idea of a sweet creature like Aapo dying just to stop some creep like Dr. Barrows from taking over the world," Maria wiped her tears with her mittens.

"Aieeee!" a shriek pierced the air a short distance away. Instinctively, Sarah Jane, Maria, and Clyde dashed toward the commotion.

In the center of a crowd of people, an East-Asian woman who barely stood five feet tall in heeled boots had a man that might once have been the handsome physics expert known as Dr. Barrows by the scruff of the neck, and was threatening him bodily harm with her Balenciaga handbag.

"He was touching her daughter's neck!" a man translated for the security patrols who had just arrived on scene.

Sarah Jane surged forward. "And he stole my lipstick!" she added.

With a snarl, Dr. Barrows, who now sported small horns to go with his pointed beard, dropped the lipstick in the snow before he was handcuffed and taken into custody.

"What kind of psychopath dresses up as a goat to scare little children and steal women's lipstick?" a nearby woman voiced the opinion of the outraged crowd.

"Well, it seems Dr. Barrows has finally gotten what he's always wanted—public recognition," Sarah Jane suppressed a smile as she popped the sonic lipstick safely back into her pocket.

"What about the micro bombs?" Maria asked.

"I expect that with help from Mr. Smith and some of our more honorable colleagues at the Pharos Institute, we'll be able to make sure the ones in us, and any others he managed to implant, remain harmless," she rubbed her neck gingerly.

"I hope Antti's all right..." Maria continued.

Sarah Jane laughed. "I wouldn't worry about him. They're very resourceful in the wilderness, these Finnish border guards."

Among the elaborate flower arrangements, signature china, and gentle candlelight of the crowded Blue Hall, a tall, dark-haired man in a tuxedo slipped into the formerly empty chair beside Sarah Jane Smith.

"Ah, nothing like an intimate dinner with 1,300 of your closest friends," he said.

"Doctor," her eyes lit up. "You came."

"Wouldn't miss it for the world. Or the universe, for that matter."

Everyone suddenly stood up, holding their wine glasses, as the president of the Nobel committee began to speak.

"Only two fingers on the stem of the glass, lift the glass so it's precisely aligned between the top and second-to-top vest buttons, one sip, then raise the glass again, and absolutely no blinking, women put their glasses down first," the Doctor said quietly, "I tell you, these Swedes are the only ones in the universe with toasting rituals almost as complicated as the Time Lords'."

As the president's remarks finished, everyone toasted according to protocol and sat down, only to instantly rise again to toast with the King.

"Why do we have to keep staring at each other during toasts?" Maria whispered.

"Well, they say it dates back to Viking days, when they didn't eat with fancy silverware. Only really sharp knives. Could be an interesting trip," he mused. "But of course they didn't have Nobel ceremonies back then."

"You've been before?"

"Yes, a number of times, including the very first. Linus Pauling, Marie Curie. Brilliant woman. Bit of a downer, but then radiation poisoning will do that to you."

"Don't people recognize you if you keep coming back decade after decade?"

"Ah no, that's where having a different face comes in handy. I met the Queen once too. Summer Olympics of 1972. Silvia Sommerlath she was then. Lovely translator. She rather fancied me, so I introduced her to Crown Prince Carl Gustav instead. Worked out rather nicely, in fact." The Doctor glanced at the King as everyone toasted and sat down again.

"But Luke! Nothing like you," the Doctor exclaimed. "Two Nobel prizes? I might even go watch it again. Allons-y!"

"I thought you could never reinsert yourself in the same timeline," Sarah Jane murmured.

"Well... only for cheap tricks. And very important occasions. And very important people." He threw a wink at Sarah Jane.

One could almost imagine the slightest blush on her downturned face.

"What do you say, Sarah? One last trip in the T.A.R.D.I.S.?"

Sarah Jane sighed pensively, then looked the Doctor in the eye. "No—thank you."

"Not even to see your son win?"

"I've learned it's better to keep having new adventures, rather than reliving old ones," she stated. "My son is already a winner to me, all the time."

"That wisdom is one of the many things that makes you a winner, Sarah," he answered softly.

"So were you at the ceremony at the Stockholm Concert Hall?" Rani asked the Doctor. "I didn't see you."

"Oh yeah, spot of bother in the cloakroom. Seems my overcoat got mixed up with another doctor's. Some Barrows bloke."

Sarah Jane and Maria exchanged glances.

"I knew the coat wasn't mine because it had a rabbit's foot in the pocket, of all things."

"Some people carry them for luck."

"Well," the Doctor laughed. "This one would have been very lucky as it wasn't just a rabbit's foot. It was a biologically linked time dilation device."

"You mean he could travel in space and time?"

"Space. But not time."

"Aren't time and space essentially the same thing?"

"Eh, it's all very wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey. Spacey-wacey," he hedged. "He could travel instantaneously in space, so fast that he could have visited almost every house in the world in one night, but not travel to the past or the future. Anyway, I deactivated it with my sonic screwdriver before I gave the coat back to him. Can't have things like that running around loose."

"_Skål!_" a nearby physics professor toasted Luke again, as two hundred waiters began serving the smoked salmon salad with winter greens and chanterelles.

"Curious name he had inscribed on it," the Doctor added. "H.A.R.E."

"For, 'Hurtling Around Rapidly Everywhere'?" Clyde guessed.

"That's good, I like that!" the Doctor answered.

"The T.A.R.D.I.S. and the H.A.R.E.?" Maria smiled mischievously.

"Would be a good name for race but you know, the one thing you can bet on is," he toasted Sarah Jane and Luke Smith, "The Doctor with the time machine always wins."


End file.
